The Simple Power of Staying Unbothered
Yes, I’m the kind of person who dedicates time in the last weeks of December to choosing one word for the year ahead. Typically, I choose an inspiring, dynamic word intended to move me closer to my vision, but this year, I took a different approach. I reflected on what had been getting in my way, and I decided to choose a word to lessen something that was holding me back. I landed on the word unbothered. I know it sounds mundane, but it addressed a challenge I’d been experiencing.
I’d been giving increasing amounts of energy and attention to things that didn’t matter or were outside my control. I caught myself getting worked up over a stranger’s social media post, a colleague’s comment, or the seemingly aggressive maneuver of another driver. Being constantly bothered was stealing my joy. The truth is, as educators, we don’t have energy to spare. Our work requires attention, vitality, and emotional bandwidth, now more than ever. If we want to impact lives, we don’t have energy to waste being bothered about unimportant things.
Having chosen my word for the year, I wrote UNBOTHERED on sticky notes and posted them everywhere. When I open my office door, turn on my computer, or get in my car, I see reminders that I am unbothered. When I find myself starting to get worked up by small things, those reminders help me come back to a more peaceful state. Being unbothered doesn’t mean being indifferent or careless. It means cultivating inner peace, setting boundaries, and refusing to let external chaos dictate my well-being. Some things still bother me, but I get to choose what those things are. I can decide to be bothered by big, important things and focus my energy toward how I can influence those things.
The Benefits of Being Unbothered
Science backs up my new practice—remaining unbothered has incredible benefits for mental, physical, and emotional health. When we learn to stay unbothered, we protect our minds from unnecessary stress and anxiety. Constantly reacting to negativity or external pressures puts our brains in a state of chronic stress, which can lead to burnout, irritability, and even depression. By practicing being unbothered, we allow our minds to focus on what truly matters—our peace, our passions, and our personal growth.
Being constantly bothered can lead to chronic stress. Stress isn’t just a mental burden; it takes a serious toll on the body as well. Chronic stress is linked to high blood pressure, weakened immune function, and sleep disturbances. But when we stay unbothered, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the body responsible for rest and recovery. This leads to lower cortisol levels, improved heart health, and better sleep. Simply put, an unbothered mind leads to a healthier body.
If you know my research, you know I’ve been a proponent of the pause for educators, and pausing goes with being unbothered like peanut butter and chocolate. Pausing allows us to regulate our emotions effectively. Instead of reacting impulsively to negativity, we learn to pause, assess, and respond intentionally. The pause allows us to decide if something is worth our energy and attention. This emotional control fosters resilience, helping us navigate life’s challenges without getting easily derailed.
How to Be Unbothered
By the end of the day on the first of January, I realized that being unbothered would require some big-time boundaries. I set limits on social media scrolling (a source of unnecessary bother for me). I drastically reduced cable news consumption, which is designed to keep all of us bothered. I decided to limit my contact with people who constantly talk about all the things bothering them. Sticking to my boundaries has helped me protect my time and energy, limit exposure to toxic environments, and guard my mental space like the treasure it is.
Even with boundaries, I still encounter bothersome things and find myself getting worked up. Often, just repeating the mantra I am unbothered helps, but that’s not always enough. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am choosing my bothers, and most bothers aren’t worthy of a reaction. I ask myself if it will matter next week, next month, or next year. When I still find the bothers sneaking in, I use this jedi mind trick. I imagine the bothersome words or actions on a leaf and visualize that leaf floating down the river, farther and farther away. I also picture the bothersome situation typed on a piece of paper, and I picture that paper blowing away in the wind. I know it sounds silly, but when it comes to being bothered, those visualizations work.
The Beauty of Being Unbothered
We are six weeks into the new year, and I do feel a change. I think the people around me notice, too. I no longer go around spilling my gripes and bothers all over everybody. The truth is, I like being with myself better now. I have the mental space to notice all the lovely, silly, wonderful, and whimsical things in my life. I know the pursuit of being unbothered will be a lifelong journey, but so far, it’s worth it. Staying unbothered isn’t about ignoring life’s problems—it’s about facing them with grace, clarity, and strength. It’s a skill that requires practice, but once mastered, it can become an asset for a peaceful, fulfilling life. Protect your energy, guard your joy, and remember… not everything deserves a reaction. So, the next time you start to feel bothered, take a deep breath, consider what truly matters, and champion your own peace.
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